I don't want to go to sleep.
I don't want to go to sleep because that'll mean tomorrow will come sooner.
I don't want tomorrow to come sooner because I don't want to face tomorrow.
Tomorrow will just be more of the same. Trying to find a job, trying to get welfare to help me afford to live till I get a job (not that I'd want to EVER be on it, but I don't really have a choice at the moment), dealing with having no money.
Tomorrow will be me dealing with living at my father's place. A place that will never feel like home no matter how much he tries.
I just got back from a week at my sister's. Some job hunting mixed with just getting away from my "normal" life and I can't believe how much more relaxed I was up there. I felt like I wasn't completely in the rut I'm in, that my life wasn't completely fucked.
But, can't exactly stay there long term. As comfy as her couch is, it's no bed. So, I'm back "home" (I have no real home, just a place to crash and eat). I've been home for maybe 7 hours and I'm already wishing I was away again.
There's not really much I can do about that except get a job (or, you know, win the lottery).
Fuck.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Well, today I was officially kicked out of my mom's house. It's not like I wanted to be there, I've just been unemployed for too long and mom wasn't exactly happy with my progress (despite applying to hundreds of positions each month). Didn't help that my physically disabled uncle is a complete douchebag, lives with her and took personal offence to my being unemployed. He felt like it was important to make sure my mother knew how much my unemployment annoyed him.
Thus, I get the boot. It's understandable, and I should be out on my own by this point, BUT, I would've liked a little warning, maybe have some time to find a more appropriate place. I'm sure I'll look back on this as the turning point where I finally got my life together (at least, I'm really hoping that this is the moment, otherwise I'm fucked), but still, not the greatest moment in a guy's life.
As it is, I packed a couple bags of clothes and necessities and made for my dad's place.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but he's not exactly the easiest person to live with. Especially for an unemployed guy in desperate need for a job. A little to easy going.
So, my quest is to get a job, preferably in a different city, so I can get away from my family and really be on my own. As far as what kind of job, I'm not to particular. Just something with decent pay and steady hours that will help me pay the bills and maybe let me take some courses at night. Maybe start getting my way into the whole professional writing gig.
I need to do something creative. Something to get these ideas out of my head. I feel like if I don't, these ideas will be stuck up there and I'll end up going crazy. I don't know if I want to get into novel writing, whether I want to try my hand at scriptwriting (be it film, stage or television) or what. Maybe I'll do a bit of each, depending on what I end up writing.
One thing I always get whenever I read or watch something (especially when the endings are left open) is "What happens next". What happens to an immortal hero, who's story takes place in a world much like medieval Europe, if his world follows the same progression as ours? For example, Eragon from Chris Paolini's Inheritance Cycle. He and his sentient dragon Saphira exist in a world technologically equivalent to Arthurian England, and they are expected to live forever. How will this young man and his dragon companion deal with the evolution of science and technology? How would they deal in their world's equivalent to 21st Century New York or Tokyo? How would their relationship change? How would they deal with space travel and if their responsibilities required them to travel to other worlds?
Or what happens to the crew of Destiny, from Stargate Universe? We last see the crew as they load themselves into stasis pods for a three-year uninterupted jump between galaxies (in order to avoid a "race" of automated battle drones bent on destroying all technology except their own)? The character of Eli ends up volunteering to stay out of stasis when the last pod is found faulty, and is given two weeks to attempt repairs before the ship loses too much power to make the jump. Do they make it? Does Eli repair the pod? How does the crew deal with Destiny's original mission (identifying and decoding evidence possibly pointing to organized design in the creation of the Universe, based on a signal found in the background radiation dating back to the Big Bang).
Or PAM STOP READING HERE! CHUCK SPOILERS ABOUND!!!!!
What about Chuck? Casey's left to go be with Verbanski. Alex has moved in with Morgan (in Casey's old apartment). Jeff and Lester are touring Europe. And Chuck and Sarah were last seen on the beach reconnecting after Sarah's memory loss. Does Sarah remember anything? Does she remember actual events from her life with Chuck or does she just remember emotions but not the events that produced them (eg. she can't remember WHY being with Chuck feels rright, just that it does)? How does that affect their relationship? Does she decide to stay or does she still need to leave Burbank for a while? Does she go alone or does Chuck join her (maybe try their European tour from S3 for real)? If Chuck stays home, does Sarah use it as a "home base"? If she stays, do they keep Charmichael Industries going (as the anti-cyber-terrorism/crime outfit they were planning)? Do they get the house? Do they have kids?
CHUCK SPOILERS END HERE!!!
So, I have all these questions in my head, and I start coming up with these possible outcomes. Some of these I evolve into more original ideas that don't really have much of a link to the original inspiration, some of these remain "fan fic".
Sometimes, when reading a book or watching a show or movie, right in the middle I come up with different ways the character could handle various scenarios. Different choices, different things to say, things like that. Hell, there are times where I stop reading, or pause the video, and act out my version and whow it would affect the rest of the existing story.
So, yeah, where was I? That's right, kicked out of my home, trying to find a job, and trying to figure out how long I'm going to be in my current place of residence before I can move on properly.
Oh, and I just started watching Chuck for the fifth time in a month. Why? Because there's nothing on TV, all my DVD's and my external hard drive with my downloaded and ripped shows/movies are still at my former domicile, and pretty much all I've got on my laptop is Chuck, Fringe season 5 (just watched that, but I don't have the rest of the series) and Flashpoint Season 4 (which I finished watching yesterday). Besides, Chuck is awesome. Yvonne Strahovski is hot (and Sarah is probably one of my favourite characters in the last few years from any show/movie, very well written and acted). Adam Baldwin (a.k.a. John Casey, a.k.a. Jayne Cobb from Firefly, a.k.a. Animal Mother from Full Metal Jacket) is his usual combination of badass jokester.
Chuck is the type of guy I wish I could be. Starts out the series as me (and many other guys), awkward, nerdy, smart and a giant underachiever, but finds his place in the world and the woman he's supposed to experience it with and makes the best of it.
So yeah, that's today, that's me, and we'll see what tomorrow brings.
I need a haircut.
Thus, I get the boot. It's understandable, and I should be out on my own by this point, BUT, I would've liked a little warning, maybe have some time to find a more appropriate place. I'm sure I'll look back on this as the turning point where I finally got my life together (at least, I'm really hoping that this is the moment, otherwise I'm fucked), but still, not the greatest moment in a guy's life.
As it is, I packed a couple bags of clothes and necessities and made for my dad's place.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but he's not exactly the easiest person to live with. Especially for an unemployed guy in desperate need for a job. A little to easy going.
So, my quest is to get a job, preferably in a different city, so I can get away from my family and really be on my own. As far as what kind of job, I'm not to particular. Just something with decent pay and steady hours that will help me pay the bills and maybe let me take some courses at night. Maybe start getting my way into the whole professional writing gig.
I need to do something creative. Something to get these ideas out of my head. I feel like if I don't, these ideas will be stuck up there and I'll end up going crazy. I don't know if I want to get into novel writing, whether I want to try my hand at scriptwriting (be it film, stage or television) or what. Maybe I'll do a bit of each, depending on what I end up writing.
One thing I always get whenever I read or watch something (especially when the endings are left open) is "What happens next". What happens to an immortal hero, who's story takes place in a world much like medieval Europe, if his world follows the same progression as ours? For example, Eragon from Chris Paolini's Inheritance Cycle. He and his sentient dragon Saphira exist in a world technologically equivalent to Arthurian England, and they are expected to live forever. How will this young man and his dragon companion deal with the evolution of science and technology? How would they deal in their world's equivalent to 21st Century New York or Tokyo? How would their relationship change? How would they deal with space travel and if their responsibilities required them to travel to other worlds?
Or what happens to the crew of Destiny, from Stargate Universe? We last see the crew as they load themselves into stasis pods for a three-year uninterupted jump between galaxies (in order to avoid a "race" of automated battle drones bent on destroying all technology except their own)? The character of Eli ends up volunteering to stay out of stasis when the last pod is found faulty, and is given two weeks to attempt repairs before the ship loses too much power to make the jump. Do they make it? Does Eli repair the pod? How does the crew deal with Destiny's original mission (identifying and decoding evidence possibly pointing to organized design in the creation of the Universe, based on a signal found in the background radiation dating back to the Big Bang).
Or PAM STOP READING HERE! CHUCK SPOILERS ABOUND!!!!!
What about Chuck? Casey's left to go be with Verbanski. Alex has moved in with Morgan (in Casey's old apartment). Jeff and Lester are touring Europe. And Chuck and Sarah were last seen on the beach reconnecting after Sarah's memory loss. Does Sarah remember anything? Does she remember actual events from her life with Chuck or does she just remember emotions but not the events that produced them (eg. she can't remember WHY being with Chuck feels rright, just that it does)? How does that affect their relationship? Does she decide to stay or does she still need to leave Burbank for a while? Does she go alone or does Chuck join her (maybe try their European tour from S3 for real)? If Chuck stays home, does Sarah use it as a "home base"? If she stays, do they keep Charmichael Industries going (as the anti-cyber-terrorism/crime outfit they were planning)? Do they get the house? Do they have kids?
CHUCK SPOILERS END HERE!!!
So, I have all these questions in my head, and I start coming up with these possible outcomes. Some of these I evolve into more original ideas that don't really have much of a link to the original inspiration, some of these remain "fan fic".
Sometimes, when reading a book or watching a show or movie, right in the middle I come up with different ways the character could handle various scenarios. Different choices, different things to say, things like that. Hell, there are times where I stop reading, or pause the video, and act out my version and whow it would affect the rest of the existing story.
So, yeah, where was I? That's right, kicked out of my home, trying to find a job, and trying to figure out how long I'm going to be in my current place of residence before I can move on properly.
Oh, and I just started watching Chuck for the fifth time in a month. Why? Because there's nothing on TV, all my DVD's and my external hard drive with my downloaded and ripped shows/movies are still at my former domicile, and pretty much all I've got on my laptop is Chuck, Fringe season 5 (just watched that, but I don't have the rest of the series) and Flashpoint Season 4 (which I finished watching yesterday). Besides, Chuck is awesome. Yvonne Strahovski is hot (and Sarah is probably one of my favourite characters in the last few years from any show/movie, very well written and acted). Adam Baldwin (a.k.a. John Casey, a.k.a. Jayne Cobb from Firefly, a.k.a. Animal Mother from Full Metal Jacket) is his usual combination of badass jokester.
Chuck is the type of guy I wish I could be. Starts out the series as me (and many other guys), awkward, nerdy, smart and a giant underachiever, but finds his place in the world and the woman he's supposed to experience it with and makes the best of it.
So yeah, that's today, that's me, and we'll see what tomorrow brings.
I need a haircut.
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