April 22, 2013

I don't want to go to sleep.

I don't want to go to sleep because that'll mean tomorrow will come sooner.

I don't want tomorrow to come sooner because I don't want to face tomorrow.

Tomorrow will just be more of the same. Trying to find a job, trying to get welfare to help me afford to live till I get a job (not that I'd want to EVER be on it, but I don't really have a choice at the moment), dealing with having no money.

Tomorrow will be me dealing with living at my father's place. A place that will never feel like home no matter how much he tries.

I just got back from a week at my sister's. Some job hunting mixed with just getting away from my "normal" life and I can't believe how much more relaxed I was up there. I felt like I wasn't completely in the rut I'm in, that my life wasn't completely fucked.

But, can't exactly stay there long term. As comfy as her couch is, it's no bed. So, I'm back "home" (I have no real home, just a place to crash and eat). I've been home for maybe 7 hours and I'm already wishing I was away again.

There's not really much I can do about that except get a job (or, you know, win the lottery).

Fuck.